How to help someone with anorexia nervosa?

When a friend or family member is struggling with anorexia nervosa, it can be a deeply concerning and overwhelming experience. As someone who cares about their well-being, your instinct is to do everything in your power to help them recover. However, understanding the complexities of an eating disorder can be challenging, and it’s important to approach the situation with empathy, patience, and a deep understanding of the unique challenges your loved one is facing. Let’s explore how you can give the best possible help.

Understanding the battle

Anorexia nervosa is more than just an eating disorder; it’s a complex mental health condition that affects both the mind and body and if left untreated can be life-threatening. Imagine your loved one is trapped in a maze where food becomes the enemy and body image distorts reality.

Anorexia nervosa is disordered eating, an intense fear of weight gain, a distorted body image, and a relentless pursuit of thinness. This condition can have devastating physical and psychological consequences, affecting an individual’s overall health, well-being, and quality of life.

Recognising the signs

Early intervention can be life-saving. Keep an eye out for these warning signs:

• Drastic weight loss or refusal to maintain a healthy weight
• Intense fear of gaining weight, even when underweight
• Distorted body image and denial of the seriousness of low body weight
• Obsessive calorie counting or extreme food restrictions
• Excessive exercise routines
• Social withdrawal, especially from meals or food-related events

Understanding the causes

Anorexia nervosa is a complex condition with no single, identified cause. Instead, it is often the result of a combination of genetic, psychological, social, and environmental factors. Some of the potential contributing factors include:

• Genetics
• Traumatic life events or experiences, such as abuse or neglect
• Pressures surrounding body image and thinness from social media and peers
• Perfectionism, low self-esteem, and a need for control
• Coexisting mental health conditions, such as depression or anxiety

By gaining a deeper understanding of the causes of anorexia nervosa, you can better empathise with your loved one’s struggles and tailor your support accordingly.

Encouraging professional help

Offering support is invaluable but a professional treatment plan is crucial. Here’s how to encourage it:

• Research treatment options together
• Offer to accompany them to appointments
• Emphasise that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness
• Participate in family therapy, group therapy or individual talk therapy sessions if recommended
• Work closely with your loved one’s healthcare providers, such as their therapist, dietitian, or physician, to ensure a coordinated and comprehensive approach to their recovery

Offering a shoulder to lean on

Emotional support is your most powerful tool. Here’s how to use it effectively:

• Listen without judgment. Create a safe space for open conversations
• Validate their feelings. Acknowledge their struggles without reinforcing negative behaviours
• Express love unconditionally. Remind them that your love isn’t tied to their weight or eating habits
• Be patient. Recovery is a journey, not a sprint. Celebrate small victories along the way

Offering emotional support is a crucial aspect of helping a loved one with anorexia nervosa. This involves creating a safe, non-judgmental environment where they feel heard, understood, and validated.

Validating their feelings

Acknowledge the emotional turmoil and distress your loved one is experiencing. Validate their feelings and let them know that it’s okay to express their thoughts and emotions, even if they seem irrational or contradictory.

For example, you could say: “I know how difficult this must be for you. Your feelings are valid, and I’m here to listen without judgment. I want you to feel safe sharing your struggles with me.”

Practising active listening

When your loved one opens up, practice active listening. This means focusing solely on their words, avoiding interruptions, and reflecting back on what you’ve heard to demonstrate your understanding.

Paraphrase their statements to show that you’re engaged and attentive, such as: “It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed by the pressure to maintain a certain weight. I can imagine how challenging that must be for you.”

Offering empathy and compassion

Approach your loved one with empathy and compassion, recognising that their eating disorder is a complex mental health condition, not a choice or a personal flaw. Avoid making assumptions or judgments, and instead, convey your care and concern for their well-being.

For instance, you could say: “I know this is a difficult battle, but I want you to know that I’m here for you every step of the way. You’re not alone in this, and I’ll do whatever I can to support you.”

Create a healthy environment

Create a supportive atmosphere that promotes recovery:

• Model positive eating habits. Enjoy balanced meals together without labelling foods as “good” or “bad”
• Encourage body positivity. Compliment character traits and achievements rather than appearance
• Remove triggers: Keep scales and diet-focused materials out of sight. Be mindful of conversations or comments that may trigger your loved one’s anxieties or obsessive thoughts about food, weight, and body image. Steer clear of discussing diets, calories, or appearance-related topics, and instead, focus on more positive, non-food-related activities and interests
• Plan fun, non-food-centered activities. This helps shift focus away from eating and onto enjoyable experiences. Encourage your loved one to engage in social activities and hobbies that don’t revolve around food or weight. Suggest outings or gatherings that focus on enjoyable, non-triggering experiences, such as going to the movies, taking a walk, or participating in a shared hobby
• Encouraging Healthy Routines. Help your loved one in establishing and maintaining healthy routines, such as regular mealtimes, adequate sleep, and balanced physical activity. These routine-based activities can help provide structure and stability during the recovery process
• Educate yourself and your family members about the nature of anorexia nervosa and the best ways to support your loved one. This knowledge will help you communicate more effectively, set appropriate boundaries, and create a better support system
• Respect your loved one’s boundaries and avoid being intrusive or overbearing. If they express a need for space or privacy, honour that request and reassure them that you’ll be there when they’re ready to talk again

The recovery journey

Recovery from anorexia nervosa is a mixture of both progress and setbacks. As a supportive loved one, it’s crucial to approach this journey with patience, persistence, and a deep understanding of the challenges your loved one may face.

Embracing the ups and downs

Understand that recovery is not a straight line, and your loved one may experience periods of progress followed by moments of relapse or regression. This is a normal part of the process, and it’s important to avoid becoming discouraged or blaming your loved one for these setbacks.

Celebrating small victories

Acknowledge and celebrate the small victories along the way, whether it’s your loved one taking a step towards a healthier relationship with food, engaging in self-care activities, or simply opening up about their struggles. These milestones, no matter how seemingly small, are significant and can help reinforce their progress.

Providing ongoing support

Remain a constant, unwavering source of support throughout the recovery journey. Check in regularly, offer a listening ear, and be available to provide practical assistance, such as meal planning, grocery shopping, or transportation to appointments.

Addressing relapse with compassion

If your loved one experiences a relapse, respond with compassion and understanding, rather than disappointment or frustration. Reassure them that setbacks are a normal part of the process and that you’re there to support them through the challenges.

Prioritising your own well-being

Remember that supporting someone with anorexia nervosa can be emotionally draining and exhausting. It’s essential that you prioritise your own self-care, seek support from others, and ensure that you’re maintaining your own physical and mental health.

Family involvement

When a loved one is struggling with anorexia nervosa, the involvement and support of their family can be instrumental in the recovery process. Family therapy and open communication can play a crucial role in addressing the underlying issues and fostering a cohesive support network.

Engaging in family therapy

Consider seeking out family therapy, which can provide a structured environment for your loved one, you, and other family members to work together towards recovery. Family therapy can help:

• Improve communication and understanding within the family
• Identify and address any underlying family dynamics that may be contributing to the eating disorder
• Develop effective coping strategies and support systems for the entire family

Encouraging open communication

Foster an atmosphere of open and honest communication within your family. Encourage your loved one to share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences, and be willing to listen without judgment. This can help build trust, strengthen relationships, and create a supportive environment for recovery.

Consistent boundaries and expectations

Work with your loved one and their healthcare providers to establish clear, consistent boundaries and expectations regarding treatment, meal times, and other aspects of their recovery. Ensure that all family members are on the same page and committed to supporting these boundaries.

Nurturing home environment

Create a nurturing, low-stress home environment that prioritises your loved one’s physical and emotional well-being. This may involve adjusting family routines, meal planning, and household responsibilities to accommodate their recovery needs.

Seeking support for yourself and other family members

Remember that supporting a loved one with anorexia nervosa can be emotionally taxing for the entire family. Seek support for yourself and other family members, whether through individual therapy, support groups, or resources provided by eating disorder organisations.

Your role in their recovery

Your unwavering support can be the beacon of hope in your loved one’s recovery journey. By offering understanding, encouraging professional help, and fostering a positive environment, you’re laying the foundation for healing.

Remember, recovery is possible, and your love and support make a difference every single day. Stay strong, stay informed, and never underestimate the power of your care and compassion.

Reach out to a professional, helpline or support group today. Every step towards understanding and support is a step towards your loved one’s recovery.

Sources

• How to help someone with eating disorder – NHS
• Helping someone with eating problems – Mind