What is breadcrumbing?
While ghosting has always ruled the land of bad dating behavior,
breadcrumbing is starting to take the reign. So, what is breadcrumbing exactly?
Breadcrumbing is the act of leading a person on by leaving a trail of interest and
intrigue but never developing the communication beyond a surface level of
engagement. A few examples include, texting or reaching out but doesn’t commit to spending
quality time together, only interested in sexual endeavours, and unreliable and
avoidant in their communication.
“It’s important to set
your boundaries from
the beginning and
identify that you are
deserving of balanced
and genuine
attention.”
Whenever a potential partner doesn’t show a secure communication style it can weigh
heavy on the heart, and while ghosting can be disappointing, it’s an end point that
can help with achieving closure. The act of breadcrumbing can have damaging
consequences that last way beyond the time of a courtship. It’s important to
identify this type of dating conduct from the get-go, as it’s as rare as The Hope
Diamond that the behavior will adapt over time. It’s important to set your
boundaries from the beginning and identify that you are deserving of balanced and
genuine attention.
What is gaslighting?
What can start as breadcrumbing can quickly develop into gaslighting which is
the act of psychological abuse where an individual manipulates a person and gets
them to question or doubt their memories, thoughts, and situations around them. A devious power play, gaslighting can happen to the best of us and we may not
even see what’s happening to us until the act has already occurred. Gaslighting can
unfold in many forms, such as the offender minimizing your feelings, making you
question your memory, name calling, and deflecting all together. This can play out
when they lie about how events occured, suggesting your feelings are wrong, and
repeatedly suggesting how lucky you are to be with them. The abuser looks to make
the other question and doubt their own feelings, lose confidence and self-esteem,
and spin their own strategy to put their partner in a perpetual state of weakness.
Once you begin to identify these damaging tactics it’s important to take small steps
to combat such behavior. Start to document all these interactions by detailing the
event: how it unfolded and what was said (even writing a few bullet points can be
helpful). By taking notes immediately following the altercation it will help
minimize the chances one can be talked out of their feelings by the perpetrator.
Looking back on these records of events will help the victim to see negative and
harmful patterns unfold over a period of time. It won’t just be one-off negative
interactions but an unhealthy dynamic. Often gaslighters get a thrill by winning and
by not engaging in combative interaction they can easily lose interest.
